Naked
by NorthernStar
Summary: Why was Trance missing during the events of All Great Neptune's Ocean? Well, the day before she and Harper had a little run in with nudity...


Disclaimer: I don't own Andromeda or its characters, I just enjoy writing about them. I'm not making money out of this. 

Rating: PG (It's harmless really but given the title I couldn't really give it a G!)

Summary: Trance and Harper go swimming.

Notes: My thanks to my best bud, Alastair "ooh, she has a tail" McIver for the fish idea. Blame him not me :op [that's what are friends for, right?]

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Naked

By NorthernStar

****

N is for Not Noticing the Notice.

The sun was high in the sky, beating down on the Ocean planet. It was hot; the air around them was humid, heavy with moisture, oppressive and overwhelming. And Trance's skin was entirely the wrong colour for such a day, its purple hue soaking up the sun's UV's like a sponge. She could feel her skin tightening, starting to burn. And her sweat soaked clothes were clinging to her, scratching and chaffing as she moved.

She glanced over at Harper. The young man sat in the shade of a _Dasha_ tree, leaning against a sign with delicate Castalian script written on it. He was removing his shoes; his blonde tousled hair was stuck to his forehead, drooping over his brow. Large damp patches had formed under his arms and down the front of his white sleeveless top. She watched him get to his feet and hop across the baking sand.

"Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot." He gasped all the way to the sea and when he was close enough, he leapt for the surf. His feet splashed into tide; his eyes closed blissfully, "yes!" 

She looked down at her shoes. And then at Harper, her friend had started wading through the crisp clear water, splashing with his feet. The sight was inviting and Trance quickly slipped off her shoes and paddled in. She joined him and they waded deeper into the sea until the water was up to their shorts. 

The water was unbelievable. Cool and refreshing, soft and enveloping…the relief it brought them was indescribable. Harper smiled at her and held his arms out wide and fell back into the water. A huge wall of water flew up.

And soaked Trance to the skin. "Harper!" She cried as her carefully styled hair fell into wild blonde and pink and purple tails.

"You'll dry off." He laughed and flicked water in her direction with his hand.

"YOU-!" She started splashing him back and soon the pair were giggling away like a couple of kids. When Harper hit her in the face with a particularly large splash she yelled and Harper took off, swimming with long powerful stokes away from her. Trance followed him using a smooth mermaid-like movement, her tail curving behind her. Harper stopped swimming to watch with his mouth open in awe. She looked beautiful, with her blonde hair, a lighter shade than his own, flowing out behind her. She looked every inch a creature of the sea. She caught up to him in seconds and with a strong flick of her legs and tail, sent a spray of water over him. He ducked under the surface to avoid it. Trance laughed and bobbed down too. She saw his thin lithe body swimming away from her and she took off in pursuit, judging his need for air was greater than hers. Harper went to surface and with a simple flick of her tail, Trance's speed increased and she was under him in seconds. She grabbed his ankle and pulled.

Harper managed to gulp a mouthful of air before he was pulled under the waves again. He looked down and saw Trance's hand on his leg. She smiled up at him through the water. Harper ducked down, letting his strong arms sweep through the water. He headed for the bottom, pulling Trance along behind him. He felt her hold suddenly and unexpectedly give and he turned 180 around as fast as he could. She'd been under a while and unlike him, she hadn't had time to take a breath. He grabbed her around the waist and dragged her to the surface, his heart clenched with worry. 

"Trance!" He yelled as soon as they were up.

"I'm OK…" she whispered, scanning the sea, looking for signs of the possibility she'd sensed. Harper frowned but followed her lead, looking all around for whatever it was that had her spooked. He noticed that they were out way beyond their depth but that was all.

There was nothing.

He smiled in relief and splashed her, "not getting away with that old trick."

"Shh!"

"What?"

"Can't you hear it?"

Harper listened. There was a trickling, tinkling sound like a thousand droplets of rain. Trance's mouth fell open and Harper turned, searching the sea. Tiny triangles cut the surface of the water…Fins. Thousands of small shark-like dorsal fins.

And they were coming their way...fast.

"Oh crap!"

****

A is for Appetite.

The next second the pair was surrounded by a swarm of little blue fish, each no more than an inch long. Harper yelled as he felt the sensation of thousands and thousands of tiny, tiny sharp teeth nibbling at him. He waited for the pain as they slowly ate his skin away and then his muscles and then…

Then he realised; they weren't eating him, or Trance but the flood of relief was short-lived.

It was even worse than that.

The fish had a taste for clothes.

****

All of their clothes…

The sea appeared to boil with fish and they both kicked and squirmed in their midst but in 90 seconds flat it was over.

And when there was nothing left the fish dispersed.

Harper looked down at himself, just to be sure.

He was sure…

He was naked.

But on the plus side, so was Trance. He'd always wondered just **where** her tail was attached. Not to mention about a dozen other questions. _Any other circumstances_, he thought, _and this could be a hellva lot of fun._ Then he gave himself a mental slap. This was **not** the time to be having thoughts like that. But he was a man…and it was proving so hard not to at least peek.

One stray blue fish nipped at his leg while another tasted one of his very few chest hairs. He flicked it away. "Sorry the cafeteria is closed."

It swam towards Trance and began biting at her shoulder. "Hey!" Harper snapped, and brushed it away; "she is not desert!"

Then he realised where his hand was and yanked it back. She looked puzzled but he didn't notice.

"Great! What are we going to do now?" Harper spat, "wear fig leaves?"

"Fig leaves?"

"'Less you wanna walk back buck-naked?"

Trance frowned, "what wrong with being naked?"

His jaw dropped and he had to double-check her expression to see if she was serious. 

She was.

"Well…um, there's…it's… not, but you're a…and I'm a…" she was waiting patiently for him to explain. He waved a hand, "and it's not exactly legal to run around with nothing on, OK."

Trance nodded as if all that stuttering had suddenly made everything clear, "Oh…" she said quietly. "So we should stay in here?"

"Wait 'til Dylan and Beka come to rescue us? Yeah, that sounds like **fun**. But if we get lucky, those little fishies' mummy and daddy'll come back and they'll have an appetite for more than just our clothes."

"But how will we get back to the shuttle?"

"The same way shy artists spared their blushes when they were painting…um, bits." He pointed to the bushes growing not far from the shore, "fashions by the House of Adam and Eve, available for one day only. Everything must go!"

**********

Harper felt the sand scrap his belly. He couldn't swim any further; he'd have to walk. He looked back at Trance, standing in the calm water with just her head poking out above the waves. She'd promised to keep her eyes closed. She smiled at his bizarre prudish behaviour, obviously not understanding how someone as outwardly confident as Harper could be so embarrassed over something so natural as nakedness, but she'd said she would.

He couldn't see her eyes from this distance. He swore under his breath and got onto his hands and knees to crawl. Then he thought of the back view he would give her and stood up hurriedly. He'd rather complete strangers see the full frontal Harper than let Trance see his dangling-

__

Don't even think about it, Seamus. You're dressed; you're decent… you're just taking a little stroll. 

But as soon as he was on his feet he was running full tilt towards the bushes. He dived into them, swearing loudly as the sharp thorns tore his tender flesh and landed heavily on a very surprised rodent. It squealed loudly, sank its teeth into his buttocks and shot off.

"Freakin' hell!" 

__

Public nudity…animal cruelty…oh yeah, I'm a having a good day…

Harper sat up and pulled a large leaf from the bush. Then he frowned. How the hell had Adam and Eve managed to keep them stuck on? He tried tucking it around, wedging it and nothing worked. The leaf simply fell to the ground. Short of actually holding it in place with his hand, this wasn't going to work.

__

Think, damn you, you're a freakin' genius!

A **naked** freakin' genius…who's with a woman who's also naked…who's also a friend…and this is **not** what friends do together so think!

He kicked the bush in frustration. His toes caught in the roots. He wiggled them free…and whooped for joy.

__

Yes, a freakin'genius!

He knelt down and pulled up as many of the long thin string-like roots as he could and tied them together. He made two holes in the leaf and threaded the roots through. Then he fastened it around his waist. It looked like something a prostitute would wear, but at least he was covered. 

He made another for Trance and pulled up more roots and plucked a couple of leaves so she could make something to cover her breasts. He wasn't even going to try that.

He hurried back to the water and called to Trance. She had her hands over her face.

"Trance, it's OK, I'm covered now."

"Are you sure?"

She peeked between two fingers for a split-second before snapping them closed again. Then she peeked again, for longer this time, and slowly took her hands away. She looked a little sick.

"Hey, you OK?"

"I…" she started nervously, "I didn't know humans were so…jiggly."

"What!" he yelled outraged, "you looked!"

"I didn't mean too!" She wailed, "I needed to brush one of those fish away so…" she looked a little panicked, "and I saw you running and everything was jiggling everywhere and I-"

"TRANCE!"

She fell silent.

"I don't wanna hear this. And I do not jig-" He stopped and slapped a hand over his face in defeat, "I'm just gonna…I'll leave these here, OK. There's bushes over that way, just check it for little furballs first. I'll be…" he waved in the opposite direction… "Hiding somewhere…"

And he headed off, muttering to himself.

**********

Trance emerged sometime later and called him out of hiding. She had curled her tail around her waist to help hold the leaf in place and her hands clutched two more to her chest.

Harper walked up, trying not to look at her and failing.

"Good thing you got that." 

"My tail?" She wasn't looking at him either.

"Yeah, you know, 2 hands, three…three things to cover." 

"Yeah," she said awkwardly.

Harper sighed at the awkwardness between them. "It's OK, you can look now. I'm not…" he made exclamation marks with his fingers, "'jiggly' anymore." He smiled, "guess you know why humans wanna cover up all the time."

He heard her giggle and it went a long way to relieving the embarrassment he felt. Trance cautiously turned to face him, obviously fighting the urge to look down and check. It proved too much to resist and she glanced down, and back up again hurriedly. "It's a bit small." She said.

Harper turned a deep and angry shade of red, "hey, I don't know about you purple people, but compared to the average human, little Harper here is kinda on the big side." He frowned, "when I say 'little Harper' I don't mean **little** little-"

"No, the leaf!" She gushed, a hand in front of her eyes. "The leaf is too small!"

Harper looked down. He wasn't completely covered; a bit of pink flesh was poking out. He pulled a bigger leaf off the plant; "Size matters," he told it and tucked it onto the root belt over the one he was already hiding behind. 

"Is it OK?" Asked Trance.

"Yeah."

Nervously she took her hand away, then sighed in relief.

"I'm just going to take what little- um, what's left of ego and go…find clothes or something."

Trance watched him walk away, "little Harper?" She frowned.

**********

They walked back the way they had come, following the footpath but staying in the trees. Harper's hopes of meeting a blind, but somewhat overdressed Castalian were hopeless. They saw no one, which considering the circumstances wasn't all that bad. 

The walk was actually pleasant; they had a good strong friendship, which, it seemed could withstand even toe-curling embarrassment. And they enjoyed each other's company. Even naked. 

After about an hour, Trance slipped behind a bush to 'power her nose' and as she was walking back to Harper, she noticed a mark on his skin. She frowned, it was in what Harper would call a 'sensitive' place and she was at a loss as to what to say. 

"Harper?" She said when she came up beside him, her voice full of trepidation. "Um…your-your…" she pointed quickly to his backside and then yanked her hand away before he could react, "there's this big red mark on it."

"You've been staring at my butt?"

"No," she frowned, "why?"

Harper fought the urge to roll his eyes, "don't people wear clothes on your purple planet."

"Yes, of course they do, it's quite cold. And my planet is not purple!"

"What colour is it then?"

"Harper," she said in the tone she always used whenever he asked her about her home, "I think you should check your…wound, it looks kinda bad."

He tried but couldn't twist his body around enough, "does it look like a coupla rows of teeth?"

Trance bent around and had the shortest peek possible, "I guess."

"It's just where a rodent bit me."

"Something bit you?"

"Well, I kinda fell on it…. sat on it. But it wasn't hurt." He frowned, "just surprised."

"Well how do you know it's not put some kind of poison in there? You know, venom."

Harper looked horrified.

"But I'm sure its not…you'd be dead by now…or paralysed…or hallucinating or-"

"Trance!"

"But maybe I should treat it anyway, just to be sure."

"Treat it with what?"

"The proper procedure is to suck the venom out."

Harper clapped his hands on both of his lower cheeks, wincing a bit when it stung. "Whoa! No-one is gonna suck on my butt!"

"But you could be dying right now!"

"I'll take that chance!" He said, backing away from her, "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I am **not** that kinda guy."

"I don't understand your unreasonable sense of embarrassment." She cried, "nudity is perfectly natural and now you're prepared to die because-."

"Nudity is **not** natural, not where I come from. And I am **not** going to die!"

Trance's eyes burned with frustrated anger. Then her face changed dramatically. Harper turned to look at what she was staring at. 

Just beyond the trees, was a large stone monument. Religious maybe, or decorative, but Harper thought he recognised the face of the man in the carving, a historical monument? But that wasn't what the pair were looking at.

It was what was hanging on it, proclaiming something in Castalian, and underneath, written in common it translated as "The People of Tin Heret Welcomes The Commonwealth," and ended with a smiling face of President Lee.

It was a long silk banner. Just long enough to cover both of them.

Harper smiled, "come to papa…"

****

K is for Kleptomaniacs.

"Isn't this like sacrilege or something?"

Harper tore the fabric; "we'll put it back." 

"You're ripping it into bits."

"So we'll sew it together and then put it back."

"What if they see it's gone, what if we get caught for stealing?"

"Its either stealing or public indecency, Trance. I know which one I'd prefer." He handed her two pieces of the banner and kept the third for himself. She disappeared behind a tree and Harper quickly fashioned a loincloth for himself. Trance emerged a couple of minutes later with a strip of banner tied across her chest and another around her waist. She actually looked kinda hot…for a purple sparkly babe.

"Me Tarzan, you Jane!" 

"Who are Tarzan and…Harper, what's wrong?"

He had his hand clapped over his mouth and at her question, he forced his laughter away. "Nothing. Let's get back to the shuttle."

**********

They kept to the smaller paths, skirting around through the trees whenever they saw anybody. Even though they were respectfully covered, they really didn't want to be seen unless they had too. Dylan would kill them if this got onto the broadcasts. Harper smiled to himself, well **he** was respectfully covered. Trance had two rather unfortunate pieces of banner around her. He knew he should tell her so that she could go and adjust them. But some perverse need to get a bit of his own back was stopping him. She should have been more careful, he couldn't believe she hadn't noticed when she'd put it on.

They reached the shuttle port, both of them glad that the place they had decided to spend their 'shoreleave' had been in the uninhabited area of the ocean planet few islands. There were only a few dockworkers, air-breathers, which looked at them as they passed. Harper found it highly amusing that their surprise wasn't solely restricted to their lack of clothing.

They rounded the corner and started towards their shuttle. When they reached it, they hurried around to the other side, desperate to get into the safety of the shuttle as quickly as possible.

Then they both stopped in horror. Standing in the doorway where the two people on the entire planet they least needed to meet.

President Lee, his second, Chandos and his air-breathing bodyguard.

The president started forward, "how fortunate, I heard some of Captain Hunt's crew where here on a visit and I was most anxious to meet you. I hope you don't think that's presumptuous of me but I…" He trailed off in horror.

Harper glanced at Trance's chest and pushed her behind him.

****

E is for Embarrassed.

The party stared at Trance…or rather at the banner around her with Lee's face smiling out at them.

Harper began backing into the shuttle, "so nice to meet you, we really gotta-"

"I **demand** an explanation for this!" Lee cried. His bodyguard moved closer to Harper and he flashed her what he hoped was a dashing grin.

"This is obviously an attempt by Hunts people to dishonour you." Raged Chandos, "I urge you to have no more to do with them."

"No, no, see wait!" Harper rushed forward, "this is gonna sound weird but we were swimming-"

"Yeah," added Trance, "and they just came and ate our clothes and…this was all we could find."

"They?" And then Lee roared with laughter, "the Garva Fish! Didn't you see the notices on the shoreline?"

"No," Trance said.

"They are completely harmless but they've developed a taste for plant based fibres…even those used to make clothes. No one swims there with anything on."

"You mean it's a nudist beach?"

"Yes. And the notices are quite clear." He frowned, "but written in Castalian. Chandos, make a note of that, we must change the signs to include Common." He took his jacket off and the Chandos followed suit. They handed them to Trance and Harper. "We'll get you some clothes to cover up…that." He indicated Trance's front.

Harper smirked, "it's really 'the people of Tin Heret welcomes the commonwealth,' see that's missing the W.E.L and that's the name of the town without the T's in it…and your smiling face…it's just misplaced." 

Trance looked down at herself, confused. She leant her head to the side to read, "come," on her chest and "in here" around her waist with Lee's grinning features indelicately placed over her…

She looked up.

"HARPER!"

**********

Several hours later, Trance rushed onto the bridge, cheeks burning with anger and her tail swishing behind her like a whip. Dylan and Beka looked up from their stations in surprise. Trance stopped in front of the slipstream chair and glared at its occupant. She loomed over Harper like a purple angel of death. Both Beka and Dylan looked at her…and then at him, obviously wondering why the girl was so agitated. "Dylan," she said, not taking her eyes off of Harper, "I'm **not** coming to President Lee's dinner."

The look on her face and the tone of her voice left no room for persuasion, "OK…"

"And you!" She took a step closer to Harper and the young man actually flinched back, "I have just one thing to say…"

****

D is for…

****

"Don't ever be naked with me again!" And she stormed off the bridge.

Harper stared after her, then slowly turned his head around. Beka and Dylan's mouths were hanging open.

"What?" he demanded, feigning innocence.

Dylan opened his mouth but Beka beat him to it. "You and Trance were naked!"

Harper leapt out of the slipstream chair, "um, there were these…fish…They kind of…" he began backing off the bridge, "I'd love to stay and tell you all the gory details, but…I got a slipstream drive to upgrade." And he ran out of the door.

"Harper!"

****

~~END~~

© T S "NORTHERN STAR" FENN

I humbly apologise for what you have just read. Wicked grin


End file.
